There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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