I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I checked into jail on foursquare
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
