I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
