Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
