Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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