it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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