Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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