I wish I only lived at night.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
