So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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