Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
