I'm really into asian looking animals
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
