you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
