We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
