He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
