it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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