She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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