so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
