he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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