just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
