I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Randomize
