forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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