Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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