I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
