What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
