I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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