Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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