the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize
