you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
