so that wasnt chicken after all
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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