I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
