I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
