im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
