No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
