your thong is hanging out like whoa
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
