At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Who died my cat blue again?
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