Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
