I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
