If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
