so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
