I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
you made out with another girl for some wings
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
