please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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