Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
