I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I'm at about main and main street
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Randomize
