I wish I could teleport
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
