id be glad to
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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