is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
