and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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