Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
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