Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
