where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
