i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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