I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
