Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
